I Loved you, I Hate you
by rainclawwarriorcat
Summary: KISHXICHIGO. Rated T only for language.  "I..."  "Hate..."  "You..."   Was I talking about him, or her?  Even I didn't know.  I did trust you. I swear I did.  I Loved, you. I swear I did.
1. Chapter 1

**I swear I was going to make this a random battle between Kish and Masaya, but it ended up a full oneshot! Yay! This is pretty much like One Last Dream of You. Not exactly, though. There's a song about when the battle starts, it's In the End by Linkin Park, and that's what's going through Kisshu's head in the battle. Why does he try so hard to save Ichigo? **

**I won't tell you if her wins or dies, you'll have to find out!  
>If you haven't already, and like TMM, then read my other TMM fanfic, and if you like Naruto, check my profile for Naruto fanfics :)<br>Please R&R and ENJOY!**

Masaya's evil laugh was almost as scary as mine, but I guess he did become a little messed up since Ichigo broke up with him and came crying to me.

And yes, literally crying to me. When I found her, she was soaked in rain and her face was red because of the tears she had shed. I couldn't really blame him for becoming like this; I would have been the same way if Ichigo hadn't come to me.

But I did say I couldn't _really _blame him. It was partially his fault, he was a horrible boyfriend. You don't even _want_ to know what he had done to her.

She'd escaped from him and ran as fast as she could to the park where we'd always meet. I remember everything clearly.

"_KISH! KISH WHERE ARE YOU!" She had screamed as loud as thunder, and I could tell just from her voice, that she was afraid, very afraid. I had jumped down from the tree I'd been on and ran up to her. _

"_Ichigo. What are you doing here?" At that point I was scared too, not for me, but for her.  
>Trails of red from wiped tear showed on her face, her mascara was streaming all over her eyes and she was soaked. She was sobbing, but I'd managed to get these words. "Masaya….Help….Kish….Please….I love you…" The full explanation was not needed because I knew just what I needed to do. And that was to kill that damned idiot.<em>

"_Don't worry. I'll take care of him." I'd said, I hadn't even dared to ask her what he had done to her right now. _

_ Two reasons:  
>1. If she didn't want to talk about it, then I was ok with it.<em>

_2. I wouldn't ask right now because the first thing I had to do was beat the crap out of him. _

_3. If she'd told me that she loved me, then it was urgent. _

_ "Where is he?" I'd tried to keep it under control, but you could still hear the hatred in my voice. "Tell me where he is."_

_ She nodded slowly, "He was in his house when I ran away, but now I think he followed me. When I started running I couldn't seen anything but then I realized I heard footsteps behind me." She paused looking cautiously around a few times before continuing. "He might be here watching us." _

_ I frowned, "No, he's not here don't worry." I had said that even though I didn't know myself if he was here or not. "I'll find him, ok? You can tell me everything later if you want." _

I know what you're probably thinking now, that I have become much more caring and considerate of people, which I definitely wasn't before. I had though about how Ichigo would feel if I had forced her to tell me. I had also thought about how Ichigo would react if I killed that damned Masaya, and believe me, I was planning to kill him before this, but Ichigo would have hated me. But this…this is just one other reason I should beat him to a bloody pulp. I already hate him enough, and I've already though about Ichigo too much, and now, nothing and nobody was going to stop me from getting revenge.

_She'd stared deep into my eyes for what seemed like minutes, hours. Then had finally broken the silence, "Thank you, Kish. I…Just…Thanks." She smiled slightly. _

_ I had wrapped my arms around her for a moment and whispered, "Don't worry. I won't let you stay with him any longer."_

_ I loved her too much too let her be abused by the damned jerk. _

_ "Thank you, Kish." She had whispered almost to quietly for me to hear as I walked away and out of the park. _

_ I was raining by the time I had walked a few steps, and instead of looking back to Ichigo to make sure she was safe, I kept my head held high and proud. When I had walked a little farther, I had called out, "Aoyama Masaya. Come out now, I know you want to fight me." And I was right; he jumped out of nowhere, in his Blue Knight form. _

_ "Ah. So you're here." He smiled creepily. "Ichigo is mine, you know that, right?" He said, raising an eyebrow. _

_ I had summoned both my Sais and got in a comfortable position to attack or defend myself as soon as something was thrown to me. I spread my legs apart, and gripped my Sais tightly, which were facing down. _

_ "I'll kill you if that's what it's gonna take for you to leave her alone." I frowned, it really wasn't like me to play the good guy; I'm usually the bad boy or whatever you want to call the sexiest man alive like me. But there was no time to think about my looks. I had to concentrate on him. _

Masaya's evil laugh was almost as scary as mine. Yes, it might have been a lot scarier than mine if my attacking him hadn't interrupted it. But I should've guessed that he was ready for it. He dodged it quickly, jumping up as I tried to stab him with my weapons. And instead of directly jumping down, he clung to his sword and pointed it right down to me. It almost hit me, though. It was a close shot, too close for me. I was panting by the time I teleported from him to the trunk of the nearest tree.

**In The End-Linkin Park**

_It starts with… (Oooooone)  
>One thing I don't know why<br>It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
>Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme<br>To explain in due time_

He was, in fact, getting almost better than me. Which was very bad, I didn't know if I would be able to kill him. But I would try, for Ichigo; I would even die for her. If that's what it takes, I'll do anything. Or would I?

_All I know (I knooooow)  
>Time is a valuable thing<br>Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings  
>Watch it count down to the end of the day<br>The clock ticks life away_

I ran forward as fast as I could and when I was just two feet away from him, Masaya jumped up, at the last moment, I teleported up to where he was and managed to jab one of my Sais into his side.

I could tell it hurt, a lot, in fact. He winced in pain and fell quickly to the ground. Unfortunately for me, it was no way _near_ enough to get him away from my Kitty Cat. He stood back up quickly and ran so fast toward me I could hardly see him.

Quick lesson in battle; ALWAYS anticipate your opponents moves. If you think he's going to jump up, aim for where he's _going to be_, not where he _is_. However, the enemy may know this too. So always do things out of the blue.

I teleported a long distance behind him and quickly hid behind a tree.

"Think." I told myself. "Think. Ichigo's waiting for you." I peeked from behind the damp bark of the maple tree.

_It's so unreal (Unreeeeeal)  
>Didn't look out below<br>Watch the time go right out the window  
>Trying to hold on, but didn't even know<br>Or wasted it all just to watch you go (Gooooooooo)_

Masaya had crashed right into a wall, probably because he was running too fast. I stayed hidden, and fortunately for me, he couldn't seem to find me. Plus, the wound I had inflected him was starting to take effect, the blood loss was getting to him.

Suddenly, a light bulb appeared over my head.

Chimera. I could make a Chimera Anima.

With all my strength I summoned jellyfish-like parasite and sent it to find the closest animal. In just seconds, a rabbit jumped out of a bush and the parasite entered it. The rabbit flinched and winced for a bit, causing Masaya to turn around and look at it. The rabbit grew larger, and larger until it was about the height of a short tree. Then its fur turned bright red and its tail grew into that of the body of a snake, the head of the snake facing the back. Fangs protruded out of its mouth every-which-way. Sharp fangs, I should add. Then long, tiger-like claws came out of its paws and the fur spiked up around its ruff and back.

_I kept everything inside  
>And even though I tried, it all fell apart<br>What it meant to me will eventually be  
>A memory of a time when<em>

The transformation had ended and I looked at Masaya, checking how he had reacted. He wasn't the slightest bit worried or surprised. In fact, his expression softened and he gave me a grin.

_Bad, this is bad._ I though. I brought my Sais together in a clash, summoning a bolt of lightning and throwing it at Masaya. He dodged it easily.

_I tried so hard and got so far (Tried so hard)  
>But in the end it doesn't even matter<br>I had to fall to lose it all  
>But in the end it doesn't even matter<br>_

_Close-combat,_ I thought. I ran toward the Blue Knight, shouting, "DAMN YOU MONSTER!"

_One thing, I don't know why  
>It doesn't even matter how hard you try<br>Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme  
>To remind myself how<br>_

Our weapons clashed together, _cling. _

He tried to get me with his sword; _cling. _I stopped him with one of my Sais.

_Cling, cling, cling, cling. _

_I tried so hard (Tried so hard)  
>In spite of the way you were mocking me<br>Acting like I was part of your property  
>Remembering all the times you fought with me<br>I'm surprised  
><em>

He slashed my arm from the wrist to the shoulder.

_Cling, cling, cling. _

_It got so far (Got so far)  
>Things aren't the way they were before<br>You wouldn't even recognize me anymore  
>Not that you knew me back then<br>But it all comes back to me in the end_

I summoned another lighting bolt, but before I can finish, Masaya manages—I really don't know how—to throw one of my Sais in the air, which falls far enough away I couldn't see it anymore.

Once more, this time my leg, the baggy pants I was wearing were torn.

_Cling, cling._

_You kept everything inside (In the eeeeeeend)  
>And even though I tried, it all fell apart<br>What it meant to me will eventually be  
>A memory of a time when<em>

This definitely was bad, he had gotten me many times, and I did just once. The mutant rabbit had tried to attack him more times than I had, but failed, and in the end ended up being defeated easily.

_Cling, cling, cling. _More clashes from our metallic weapons.

_I tried so hard and got so far (Tried so hard)  
>But in the end it doesn't even matter<br>I had to fall to lose it all  
>But in the end it doesn't even matter<em>

I wouldn't be able to protect her.

Why did I even try in the first place?

_I've put my trust in you  
>Pushed as far as I can go<br>And for all this  
>There's only one thing you should know<em>

Do I trust her?

Did I love her?  
>Do I still love her?<p>

Or do I hate her for doing this to me?  
>For brining me to my death.<p>

No, I could never hate her.

Or, could I?

Even I wasn't sure of that.

_I've put my trust in you  
>Pushed as far as I can go<br>And for all this  
>There's only one thing you should know<em>

Too much thinking.

The Blue Knight had got me once more, this time right through the guts, and irreparable wound. I would never survive, whether it was from the loss of blood, or just the pain.

I'm sorry I can't protect you.

I'm truly sorry.

But do I hate you?  
>That's the actual question.<p>

Or is it?

Can I ever hate you?

Or can I not?

Do I just hate myself?

I lie on the soft earth, and dig my nails into the grass. It was all so sad, so sad. I had tried so hard, but I didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. I hated myself, I hated everyone. Everyone.

_ Why does life hate me? _I thought. _Why is my life so unfair. My planet was destroyed, my family died, including my sister. Why does everything have to be a tragedy? _

My wound was covered with blood, and I started to feel lightheaded. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold up much longer.

_Blood, blood. _

_ It's Red, red._

_ Flood, flood._

_ You're Dead, dead._

I had tried, yes, I tried, hard, too hard.

I did trust you. I swear I did.

And I loved you. I swear I did.

"I tried so hard and got so far."  
><em>But in the end it doesn't even matter<br>I had to fall to lose it all  
><em>"But in the end it doesn't even matter."

"I…"

"Hate…"  
>"You…"<p>

Was I talking about him, or her?

Even _I _didn't know.

**FIN~  
>Hope you liked. Should I write a sequel? Maybe I will! Let's make a deal, I get 5-10 reviews and I'll write a sequel. <strong>

**Thanks for reading, please review. **  
><em><br>_


	2. Author's Note

_**Haha, I know I'm being kinda mean, but I did say 5-10 reviews, but hell! That didn't mean keep it DOWN to a max of 5 reviews. And besides, two of them didn't count. **_

_**Let's make a deal; I'll start writing the second part, and if I get at LEAST 1-2 more reviews, I shall finish it and put it up.  
>I feel like I've been rejecting this FanFic so I'd like to finish it. <strong>_


	3. Man, I though I didn't hate you

**Hi again! As I promised, this is the second and final part of **_**I Loved You, I Hate You. **_**Thanks for the two reviewers, y'all get a new chappie! I'd love even more reviews :3 **

"_I tried, Ichigo. I tried my best."_

"_I know you did, Kish." Soothing, very soothing. "I know you did."_

"_Ichigo?"_

"_Yes, Kish."_

"_How—how did you get here?"  
><em>

"_Your heart."_

"_My heart?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Am I dead?"  
><em>

"_No."_

"_What? How am I not dead, Aoyama killed me."_

_A sigh, cute, comforting sigh. "No, my love. You're in a coma. But you can get out."_

"_I can?"_

"_Yes. You can. Try. Remember me."_

"_Remember."_

"_Yes. Remember your love. Our love."_

I opened my heavy eyes. Darkness. Everything was dark, but in the same time, light. I was supported by something, but at the same time, by nothing. I was in emptiness, but I felt surrounded. I was dead, but I felt alive. My body was burning but a feeling of cold water being poured over it woke me up.

My eyes closed, then opened. Rain, it was raining. Heavily. Cold, freezing cold rain. Pouring on me. Pouring on the fire that burned through my body. Through my heart.

Aoyama Masaya had to die. Even if it cost me my life.  
>The single thought kept me going. Why? Because, just because I had to wipe him off the face of the earth. The only thing I had to do right now was killing him. Kill him. Now.<p>

I slowly stumbled to my legs. "Ichigo. I love you." And then, I knew the person I truly hated was the person I was facing right now.

_Aoyama Masaya has to die, Aoyama Masaya has to die, Aoyama Masaya has to die, _I kept repeating to myself. This is all I had lived for. This was my purpose in life. My purpose was to kill the man facing me at this very moment.

My two Sais were already in my hands, gripped tightly and ready to attack. I would let him go first. No need to be hasty.

He was more than ready. His swords already inches from my weapons before I could count one second. He slashed at me, but I dodged, again, and again, until I jumped away and summoned a bolt of lightning with the Sais. "Dammit!" He shouted as the bolt of electricity hit in right in the chest. I could've sworn he'd broken a few ribs with the way he starting panting once he hit the ground in a thud. I nodded to myself; I was now one step closer to my goal. Killing him.

I didn't waist any time, as soon as he hit the ground, I sent another bolt, and another and another, until he could no longer stand up. Ribs broken, arm and legs broken, I knew he would die soon.  
>I smirked, and then fell with a thump. I knew my purpose was now fulfilled. It was finally fulfilled. My sad and twisted life had come to an end, and for that, I was happy. "Ichigo, can you come here?"<p>

"Oh, Kish, you can't!" She whispered, "You can't die on me! Not here! Not now! Not ever!"

"I love you too." I smiled.

She just went on and on about how she would save me, and how we would live happily-ever-after and have lots of kids. It made me feel better in a way, maybe she would never accept my death and she could live lying to herself that I was still besides her.

"Ichigo—shut up." I frowned and coughed up some blood. "C—can you kiss me? Please. Ju—just one time…"  
>She gently lifted my head of the ground and touched her lips to mine. "I love you too," she said, "I love you too."<p>

My head was in her lap, oh, so warm. Her hands on my cheeks, oh, so soothing. Her voice in my ears, oh, so beautiful. Her lips on mine, oh, so—

I coughed up more blood and—to put it simply—died. My hearts stopped beating and I felt engulfed in infinite emptiness.

It felt like I was surrounded by fog, though I could see nothing.

The blackness lifted and I saw a bright light at the end of a tunnel. I reached for that light, but it was so distant. Every step I took brought me nowhere. I couldn't get close to it, yet I could feel its warmth.

"Kisshu." The voice was so warm and confident. "Kish, over here."  
>The voice was coming from the light, warm place. It also felt familiar.<p>

"Kish, I love you so much." A soft hand reached and touched my cheek lightly.

"Ichigo?" My voice was half surprised half excited. "Is that you?"

The light was so blinding, so bright I couldn't see who the girl standing before me was.

"Yes, Kish, it's me." She answered.

"Where are we, and how did you get here?" I asked.

"You see… I couldn't stand to see you die. So, I took one of your Sais, and I stabbed myself. To see how it felt when you died. I couldn't bare to think about living without you here with me."

"What. Did. You. Just. SAY!" I slapped her hard. "You had your whole life ahead of you! And you just threw it away! How could you? And you say you did it for me! Then why did I die? I died for you, and not so you could kill yourself. I DIED for you! I _died _so _you_ could live!"

She was completely taken aback by my sudden reaction, and took a few steps back, still holding her cheek. "I'm…I'm sorry, I didn't you would react this way. I'm really sorry…"

"Of course! Of course you didn't think I would react this way! You thought I didn't love you? Well, you, Missy, were WRONG! I don't want to see you ever again."

"Kish, I never said that you didn't love me!" She protested.

"Really?" I fake laughed. "Oh, sorry, sorry!" I frowned, "but that doesn't mean I don't want you to leave. And never come back." I left, not to look back again.

But something told me I would soon see her again.

**Thanks for reading. Btw, sorry I keep making Kisshu die -_- **

**Hey guys, I just might've realized this, but this FF is going into full length. Not just a Oneshot! :3 Review if you think I should write more. I might also add a poem about how Kisshu felt. That's if I get, let's say, about 3 more reviews. **

**Random fact: Durarara is awesome!**


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